So take that really seriously-take their words really seriously because there's a deep tendency to hope for something different, but their words and behaviors are mostly all you have to work with."Īt the end of the day, whether you want closure, to get back together, or for them to stop reaching out, a conversation should probably be had. "Listen to what your partner says," he notes, "because even if underneath there are still a lot of feelings for you, they're going to act as if that's not true. But firstly, Page says it's important not to look so deeply into the signs that their true behavior becomes blurry to you. And this greatly depends on what you want, as well. If it seems like your ex is indeed pretending to be over you, you might be wondering what to do. But to be sure, the following signs likely indicate your ex hasn't actually moved on and is at least partially pretending. Now, it's important to note that while people may be pretending or kidding themselves, this isn't always the case: It's possible that they have truly moved on. "Many people don't want to do the inner work to really be over an ex" and simply pretend to have moved on. "I have worked with people who kid themselves into thinking they are over an ex when they really aren't," she says.
Psychologist and relationship expert Margaret Paul, Ph.D., notes that pretending to oneself is the most common pretending of all. Almost universally in the early stages, he says, we are not as "over" the person as we act like or rationalize we are.
"And we do that because we want to be resilient and because it hurts so terribly to go through a breakup," he explains, adding it's not uncommon to try to move on quickly to a place of being over someone. As therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, LCSW, tells mbg, there are different ways people pretend to be over someone, whether they're lying to themselves, their ex, or other people in their lives.
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